I have been overweight for 11 years. I gained about 60 lbs
when pregnant with my son, and then went on Depo Provera contraceptives for 4
years. I am currently (and have been mostly) hovering at around 200-220 lbs,
when my ideal weight (personally ideal, not “You’re this tall, be this fat”
ideal) is roughly 130-150lbs, toned.
I have started to work out and eat right many times over the
years. And it works; each time I start, I see results, but then I stop, for one
reason or another, and it comes back. Most usually the problem is food, or
rather, money to get the right food. Another factor is how I feel about myself.
If I’m having a rough time in regular life (a break-up, a job loss, some other
perceived failure) then I lose motivation and just stop what I was doing that
made me feel great and productive.
I recently started again, in January, to work out daily and
drink more water, as I’ve had a problem staying hydrated for at LEAST 10 years.
My body’s now been trained to retain water, so when I flood it out with the
RIGHT amount, I shed inches really quickly.
This past month however, my workouts have dwindled down
again, pretty much due to my sadness at how my relationship was going. I’m now
starting back up again, every morning at 6:30.
I now get up, don my workout gear, grab a bottle of water from the fridge, and turn on the Turbo Jam. It’s a
20 minute workout and it’s intense for someone not having worked out for a week
or a few. I sweat, I wheeze, my knees ache and I feel energized. So many people
I know say, “Ugh I’m not a morning person *grumblegrumble*”. Really. Neither
was I, until I forced myself to change.
I was the girl who had to have her mother step on her head
while jumping on her bed to get her out of said bed and ready for school. I was
the girl who arrived at school rumpled and mismatched, because she got dressed
at the last second and usually in the dark. I stayed in bed until ABSOLUTE
TIME-SENSITIVE NECESSITY required me to be out of the house to catch a bus to
school. I would glower at my family, not eat any breakfast unless forced out of
early by my mother screaming, “GET UP THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN 3 MINUTES!” only
to find I had 13 minutes. I would not talk in the morning ever, I did not want
to be AWAKE while the sun was cheerfully blazing, and I sure as shit did not
want to be around smiling, cheerful, chattery MORNING people.
When I made the decision to be a different person, I changed
a lot. And it was gradual change. It wasn't overnight that I decided to hop out of bed like a happy little chickadee and hop around being cheerful. No way.. It took me years to work up to that. In the past few years though, if I woke up in the morning, and I had a game
plan, I’d be cheerful about it. I LIKED having goals, a routine to follow,
places to be. On the days when I have no plans, like no work, no school, no
appointments farfar’way from my house, I laid in bed til 1pm and then did
nothing. This has lasted me for quite a
while now actually. I still do this.
Until recently, I mean.
Now my mornings, whether I’m working that day or not,
consist of wake up at alarm (6:30am on work-days, 8:30 on non-working days),
work out for 30 minutes, shower, dress, make a protein shake and healthy
breakfast, and then get on with my day.
I’ve found if I stick to the work out plan every morning, I’m less
inclined to sit on my buttski and stare at Facebook or webcomics if I have the
day off. I’ve also found that it keeps my feet from hurting as soon at work,
while standing in one spot for hours, chopping vegetables. I also seem to be in
a better mood. I’m fully aware that exercise releases endorphins to make you
feel good, so the more exercise you get, the better you feel, so I’m trying
hard to stick with it as much as possible. Trying to adjust to such a massive
upheaval in your life as a break-up, thus removing any contact with the people
you both considered friends, is difficult already; without some sort of
routine, I’d fall apart.
On March 2nd, I will be starting (for real!) the
Georges St-Pierre RUSHFIT program. On February 29th, I will be
taking the assessment, which is as follows:
60 seconds of air squats
20 seconds rest
60 seconds of pushups
20 seconds rest
60 seconds of sit-ups
20 seconds rest
60 seconds of burpees.
Essentially 5 minutes of pushing exercise, to see what your
endurance and strength and stamina can produce. In 3 months I will do it again,
myself, just to see what I can then accomplish, after the training.
I also plan to bring my pell into my living room, and practice
my SCA sword shots, more with my left hand than my right, because my left hand
is weaker. By spring I want to be able to look good, feel good, and hopefully
begin training again with the rest of the unit.
I know this will take time and effort. I know that I will
have muscle pain and that weight loss, either 12 inches around my hips or
60lbs, whichever comes first, is essential to me feeling good about myself, and
being able to walk without feeling dragged down. I want to wear pretty clothes,
I want to wear costumes, and crazy outfits. I cannot do that without toning up,
slimming out and building muscle and confidence this time. I’ll be 32 this
year, I don’t want to continue living the way I have for the past decade. I
want to have fun!!
I will do this by cutting down sugar and gluten intake, by
drinking more water, eating healthy meals and snacks, and with my exercise. I
do not plan on spending a lot of time on the internet, or playing computer
games. I don’t do a lot on the internet anyway; Facebook, webcomics and occasionally
news are all I really look at. I will keep updates a-coming on my blog, so we
can keep track of what I’m doing and how things are going.
So my new year begins now. Now is when I’ve decided that I
want to be happy, successful, proud of myself and my looks, as well as my
massive accomplishment of cutting an addiction to pieces and becoming who I
want to be.
Who do you want to be?
Didn't do this.
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